Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
