i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
