She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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