My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
