i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
