ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
