she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
