Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
