just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
