You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
