Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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