Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I need a beard to bite.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
