you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
