His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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