i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
