one two three fourrrrnication!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
