You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
