I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
