I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
