call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
