I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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