I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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