I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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