theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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