I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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