Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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