well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
