He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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