It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
