Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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