So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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