take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
