My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
