Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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