used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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