You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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