Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
