She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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