Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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