I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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