Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
