I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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