I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ttyl tear gas
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
