Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?

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(443): View more from Maryland

Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.

(1-443): View more from Maryland

Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.

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(815): View more from Illinois

So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)

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(330): View more from Ohio

yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?

(1-330): View more from Ohio

i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes

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(210): View more from Texas

I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

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(206): View more from Washington

Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?

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(206): View more from Washington

I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.

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