Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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