Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
