Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
