Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
