There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I touched a dick in church today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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