i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
honey bunches of taint.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
