absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
