he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
