is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
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Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
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All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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