just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
