I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
