I think I won the penis lottery.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Are we still banned from the library?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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