You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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