literally had 100 drinks last night.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
