his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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