The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
