I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Someone came in the potted fern
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
