There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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