Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize