you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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